Review: I'm Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire (Southwark Playhouse Borough)

Review by Sophie Wilby

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Following a successful off-Broadway run in 2023, I’m Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire is hoping for similar success in its off-West End debut at the Southwark Playhouse. And this is a Southwark Playhouse that is transformed into a shrine to the man himself. From the moment you step in, everyone’s favourite Spider-Man (and I will accept no other opinions on this matter, thank you very much) is smiling at you from every possible angle - even in the toilets. From the moment you step into the auditorium, the set designed by Rodrigo Hernandez Martinez perfectly encapsulates a teenage bedroom in the 90s (and even my own teenage bedroom in the 2010s, except replacing Tobey Maguire with a Twilight-era Taylor Lautner) and sets a very high bar for the show itself. 

While typically, I try to go into any show with no expectations one way or the other, for me this one was a little different. If ever there was a show written for me, this might just be it. When Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man came out in 2002, I was just 5 years old. And yet, as soon as I was old enough to work the VHS player, I have vivid memories of coming home from school and watching it every single day on repeat. I was obsessed. And when I wasn’t watching it, I was stealing my brothers’ PS2 at every available opportunity to play possibly the best game ever released - even if by ‘play’ all I ever managed was to swing around the New York skyline listening to Tobey Maguire’s witty repertoire on repeat. 

So when I heard that a show entitled ‘I’m Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire’ was coming to London, you can imagine that my hopes were high. He was probably my first real celebrity crush (assuming that TJ Debtweiler from Recess doesn’t count?) so I can definitely sympathise with the burning desire to become his wife. I’m happy to say however, that unlike Shelby Hinkley (Tessa Albertson) I never quite went to the length of chaining him up in my basement.

It’s 2004 and Shelby Hinkley is the president of the North American/Antarctic branch of the Tobey Maguire fan club. What the rest of the fan club don’t know, however, is that she has taken her obsession to the next level and kidnapped Spider-Man himself (Anders Hayward), leaving him chained to a pole in her basement. Her hope is that she will be able to keep him there long enough for him to develop Stockholm Syndrome, or as she describes it: “a psychological bond…and that’s love, baby!”. 

With a cruel, distant and neglectful mother heard only through berating shouts from the wings (voiced by Kyle Birch) and a dad who we eventually learn is in prison (for stalking Charlize Theron no less), Shelby is able to hide her crime with ease. School provides no release from her difficult home life, as she is lonely and bullied, culminating in a particularly mean prank by her classmates at a school dance. She is certainly a sympathetic character - one who is clearly lonely, depressed and desperate. And yet, any sympathy we may feel for Shelby is immediately juxtaposed by just how sinister her character is. Flitting quickly between childish giggles and over excited squeals to a cold, detached demeanour  was genuinely chilling, creating a general feeling of uneasiness. Though we could assume that Tobey Maguire does make it out of this sticky situation, that doesn’t detract from any tension we feel as we watch the show unfold. Tessa Albertson’s portrayal of this complicated character is incredibly successful, her mannerisms perfectly encapsulating that of an excitable teenage girl but seamlessly transitioning into an unstable, threatening one. 

As Shelby and Tobey spend more time together, the web of lies (I couldn’t help myself) that Tobey has told to portray a certain persona to the media begins to unravel. From his smoking habit to lying about his favourite film to lying about -ahem- more personal matters, Shelby begins to realise that the man she hoped to marry may not be everything she was dreaming of. As she begins to debate whether or not to ‘break up’ with him, Tobey realises that the only way to escape will be to do what he is best at and act his way out by pretending to have developed Stockholm Syndrome until Shelby releases him. Though Shelby believes she is winning him over, her plans are threatened by the larger-than-life real estate agent Brenda Dee Cankles (Kyle Birch) who reveals that her house is about to be sold. Her spidey-senses were certainly tingling as she predicts that there is a feeling of death in the basement, hinting towards the a dramatic conclusion. 

I’m Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire takes obsessive teen culture and turns it sinister - almost a Misery but make it Y2K. And this theme is very well executed, from the set design complete with furbies and bubble-gum pink CD players to the costume design (Reuben Speed) of bright bangles and butterfly clips. Like Misery, it is pretty dark, with heavy themes of addiction, mental health and abuse, and yet humour undercuts this heaviness and tension throughout. Undoubtedly this show is laugh-out-loud funny from the very beginning, with too many pop culture references (and slights against Jake Gyllinhall) to count. There are moments when Samantha Hurley’s clever writing is lost to the high pitch and volume of the protagonist, but for the most part, the humour is well delivered and uproariously received. Kyle Birch, in particular, shines in their multi-roles but perhaps most noticeably as a sassy poster of Tobey Maguire come to life. 

For the most part, the show absolutely delivered on my high hopes. However, it was a show that I would break down into three clear parts - a strong beginning and end, but a weaker middle where it felt as though the story got a little lost. There is, for example, a scene of Tobey Maguire alone, lamenting the curse of fame whilst interacting with the audience which felt unnecessary. It detracted from the ominous tension that had previously been built and took away from the intensity of the story. Although there were some laughs from the crowd in response to this interaction, I couldn’t help but feel confused by its addition in the story. 

With a little fine tuning, this show certainly has the potential to be a hit. It is unhinged in the very best way, whilst also creating real moments of emotion and sympathy. There is certainly heart in this show for anyone who has felt a bit lost - whether that be an A-lister or a small town teenage girl. It’s an absurdist comedy, it’s a tense thriller and it’s a nostalgic whirlwind - nothing quite like anything I have seen before and probably, unlike anything I’ll see again. I mean, when else will you be in a theatre surrounded by thousands of Tobey Maguires? 

I'm Gonna Marry You Tobey Maguire plays at Southwark Playhouse Borough until August 10th

For tickets and information visit https://southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/productions/im-gonna-marry-you-tobey-maguire/ 

Photos by Manuel Harlan